Money is a subject that has held endless difficulty and fascination for me. At twenty, I entered a convent embracing a solemn vow of poverty refusing to have anything to do with having money. At thirty-eight, I left the order, again to face money’s reality. I now earned a lean salary as I worked in the service of the church.

But suddenly, everything changed. I received a considerable inheritance from my parents. Now my enlarged bank account really became a challenge.

For some unexplainable reason, money had always been a wrestling partner. Somehow, somewhere and by someone, I cannot say, I had been formed to think that money and God couldn’t coexist. Foolish thinking, I now confess, but at the time, it left me confused and bewildered. Getting this windfall only exacerbated the issue. I prayed in the way mom had laughingly instructed: “honey, pray like hell.” On my knees, I asked God why this strange new economic place should befuddle me so. Should I give it all away? Could I live with the guilt at having more than others.

It never crossed my mind to see all money that now flowed through my hands signaled God’s gift. Perhaps, I hadn’t shed my vow of poverty mentality. After all, Jesus’ pockets were empty. I struggled to get smarter, to open new doorways to understand my wealth.

My parish priest suggested I read the Bible. I reread the story of Jesus. I see how He writes in the sand, checks out the fruit on a tree, lets a woman cover his feet with ointment. I note how comfortable he is with the phenomena of the ordinary! His gentle gestures toward them awaken something new in me. Jesus did not disdain material creation. On the contrary, I see him alive to the moment and all that the moment contains.

As for money, he didn’t run. Maybe His pockets were empty, but reading him deeply, who can say that he was speaking against having money. And as to that fat camel struggling to get through that narrow needle’s eye, let’s remember, my priest advised, that it was bloated selfishness Jesus was warning against, not the wealth itself.

“Hey, got a coin?" Jesus asks friends, knowing full well everyone carried money. He puts out his hand, accepts the silver, holds it up and pitches his challenge: "Give to God what belongs to God AND -- note the conjunction -- give to man what is his." It’s that simple. Money is vital and He recognized it as a valid stream of human interchange, just as valid as the water that He blessed.

In his book, Creating Affluence, Deepak Chopra asserts: “Why not acknowledge that God is the perfect model for abundance. God has surrounded Himself with the most glorious material creation of all: planets, stars, cosmic energies, and forces that defy our wildest supposing.”

There it was. God wasn’t stingy with Himself; why should I be anything less. But I think it was my mother’s words that helped the most.

Stepping out from behind our grocery’s cash register, and from a life so drearily patterned and predictable, she was widowed, but a new woman without my father’s direction. With a sizable bank account, she was joyfully directing the course of her life At the age of sixty-five, mom was resurrected, spending money in a way I’d never seen. Furniture, car, generous loans to friends, gifts for the elderly! Her money freedom gave birth to her spirit: “Honey, use the money, make it liquid, make it flow.” Whether she knew it or not, she’d just bequeathed her richest gift of all. I could accept my own bounty.

And so I came, in my own way, to understand more clearly, what it meant to live in God’s abundance. It was not about outlandish material wealth, nor about embracing poverty as a general rule. It was to embrace whatever abundance came, no matter the size. It was to imitate mom’s generosity to herself and to others. It was to give myself permission to enjoy, to savor, and always to thank God.

Recently, I visited an old friend in California who lived in a mobile home. I watched Molly press lemon fruit to a juicer for lemonade. I thought back on her life’s difficult events. She had been making lemonade out of the many bitter fruits that dropped her way after leaving the convent. She lost a job but then discovered a better one. She suffered the agonies of a divorce only to meet and marry her ideal mate. Dissatisfaction with her aging body led her into a whole new relationship with music and movement; she took up ballet.

What is special about Molly? She embraces her abundance, however it comes to her. “Look at our lemon trees. They produce more fruit than Sam and I will ever need. There was deep reverence in her tone.

Like Molly and like mom, I now celebrate the ordinary gifts sown around me, the chopped parsley on the kitchen counter, my flower-laden monks’ table in front of our wide garden window, the technological toys in my office that enable me to write these thoughts, and yes, my bank account. A day doesn’t go by when I don’t light candles for God’s showering me so. I’m filled with gratitude.

Adele is a money peacemaker and the author of Money As Sacrament, a book for women. It's in all bookstores. She's available for personal money coaching at 407-323-9809